“To the people who love you, you are beautiful already. This is not because they’re blind to your shortcomings but because they so clearly see your soul.” — Victoria Moran, “Lit From Within: Tending Your Soul For Lifelong Beauty”

While Valentine’s Day has been celebrated in various ways for centuries, no one knows exactly how it started. One popular account credits St. Valentine, a man who was imprisoned for performing forbidden marriages in ancient Rome. During his imprisonment, he became a healer.

Rather than focus on contemporary notions of chocolates and dinner dates, both of which can pose challenges for people with eating disorders, why not act as your own saint of self-love? Whether you’re in a relationship or not, challenging yourself to celebrate adoration and self-nurturing could enhance your healing and invite freedom from the emotional prison so many people with eating disorders live in.

The following list offers ways you can turn this Valentine’s Day into a meaningful celebration of self-care. Choose one or several items or talk to your treatment professional or support team to determine alternate steps that best suit you and your recovery. The key is selecting what works well for you, no matter where you are on your healing path.

5 Ways to Love Your SELF This Valentine’s Day

1. Act on your needs. “Self-love flourishes when you turn away from something satisfying yet destructive,” says Deborah Khoshaba, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Irvine, California, “and focus instead on what you truly need.” The pull of your eating disorder to partake in harmful  behaviors may seem appealing, but avoiding them is essential for wellness. Trade your “diet meals” for nourishing fare, or partake in moderate exercise you enjoy rather than pushing yourself excessively at the gym. Choosing even one health-promoting way to fulfill your physical and emotional needs could be enough to set self-nurturing and healing in motion. Once you’ve done so, observe and celebrate the benefits.
2. Write a love letter to yourself. People with eating disorders are notoriously hard on themselves, and negative self-talk tends to run rampant. Invest similar amounts of energy into articulating the wonder of you instead. If you find that challenging, make a list of your life’s blessings. Studies conducted at Carnegie-Mellon University showed that contemplating something personally meaningful before engaging in stressful activities reduced people’s stress and improved their performance by 50 percent. In other words, positivity and gratitude reduce stress, making thriving easier.
3. Volunteer. The notion that tending to our own needs first and foremost holds merit, but assisting others can help get us there. Volunteer work can serve as a healthy distraction from negative self-talk and behaviors, provide intense emotional gratification and has been shown to help minimize stress and depression. Consider ways to use your interests and skills this Valentine’s Day to help others. If you love animals, for example, volunteer at shelter, or share artistic gifts by donating artwork or playing a musical instrument at an assisted living center.
4. Spend time with people who lift you higher. Being selective about who you spend time with is another crucial element of self-care, according to Khoshaba. “I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients,” she wrote in Psychology Today. “It describes so well the type of "friends" who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success." Avoid people who place undue value on aesthetics or make you feel anything less than embraceable. Delight in the company of friends who embrace you for who you are.
5. Take yourself on a date. One of the more powerful steps I took during my own recovery involved a sumptuous, candlelit dinner I prepared and ate alone. I took my time, savoring the sights, appearances and aromas of the meal, treating myself the way I would treat someone I deeply cared for. I shed a few tears as I ate, not out of sadness but because I realized how it felt to embrace self-love. Whether your solo date involves food or not, nurture yourself as you would a cherished friend. Paired with other treatment measures, it just may help you become your own best friend.