Christmas can be one of the toughest times of the year, and not only because you get carried away by the commercialism spin and spend too much on presents. The true meaning of Christmas is wonderful, of course, but the other warm and cozy aspects of Christmas - food and family, can fill some of us with dread.

If you are feeling bleak and anxious about how you will cope with the family get-togethers, if you are wondering how to avoid comments that you are eating too much or too little, wondering how to convince your poorly disguised 'hawk-eyed’ mother and sister that you are fine, if you are wondering how you will be able to control your urge to binge or starve, and simply get through the day without a panic attack, I can relate.

For many years, I would fall into a trough of depression in the weeks leading up to Christmas. My nasty eating disorder made sure I felt unhappy with myself - reminding me that another year was about to close, and I had not got myself 'fixed'. My eating remained out of control, , and my emotions were happy one day, moody the next. In short, I was living only part of a life. The eating disorder dominated the rest.

‘Almost Anorexic’

Of course, nobody could see that I was suffering torment from the eating disorder. I looked 'normal' and my family expected me to behave normally. Looks can be awfully deceiving, when you have an eating disorder, or suffering from its near neighbor, disordered eating.

If you find you are thinking about food a lot, if you are making 'food rules' in a bid to control your anxiety, to get through and manage your day, then you are living only part of your true life.  I tried that strategy for years; it was always doomed to fail but I didn't know any other way; I was caught in that grey area that can be very deceiving for both sufferers and family members. When not suffering directly from anorexia and bulimia, I was in that grey area that a new book calls 'almost anorexic'.

I wish someone had given me Almost Anorexic - Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? for Christmas. Which Christmas, you might ask? The year I turned 21would have been helpful. Four decades ago! That was the year I was getting married and 'Ed' the eating disorder was determined to walk down the church aisle with my husband and me. My husband would have found this book a comfort, I am sure, in understanding me, in helping me ward off the horrid eating disorder thoughts. We would have found a quiet corner, and started to read this book immediately. What's more, with my husband's support, I would have started to feel better,

immediately. Just to know that I was not weak, that yep, this is an illness, and we can learn skills to help overcome it. Especially if we work together.

Written by Jennifer J. Thomas, PhD and Jenni Schaefer, Almost Anorexic combines the clinic expertise of Jennifer and the personal recovery experience of Jenni to help readers understand and overcome 'almost anorexia' and live normal, healthy lives.

In case you are unsure about yourself, or a friend, or family member, some common warning signs and symptoms of 'almost anorexia' include:

•  Eating large amounts of food while feeling out of control.
• Experiencing significant weight shifts, often as a result of intentional attempts to lose weight.
• Compulsively exercising or fasting to 'make up' for a donut or another high-calories item.
• Consistently restricting certain foods or carefully measuring portions.
• Having a closet full of clothes too big that you hide in because you feel bad about your body - or clothes too small for when you are 'thin enough'.
• Standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself that certain aspects of your body are 'ugly'.
• Comparing yourself to others, thinking your life would be better if you were as thin as they are.

Food is only food

It is silly, really - outlandish, maddening even - to think that the eating disorder deceives us in this manner. Food is only food. It does not have feelings. We have feelings, and we need to focus on them, and our relationships, and then the food will take care of itself.

Staying in touch with our own self, and staying in touch with others who have our best interests at heart, is the best insurance against sneaky eating disorders, or disordered eating thoughts.

Settle for nothing less than a full recovery; don't settle for being 'almost anorexic'. Knowledge is power when recovering from an eating disorder. The main thing is to never, ever give up. Every little positive thing you do, every time you reach out, is one step closer to regaining you.

Know that you can recover fully and have a more balanced and content life. This is my wish for you this Christmas.

Almost Anorexic - Is My (or My Loved One's) Relationship with Food a Problem? is one guide you can count on.