The holidays are a difficult time for many of those who struggle with eating disorders. Six of our writers courageously shared their messages to their past selves. Check them out below. 

Yes, It Will Get Better 

Hey, Kaitlin,

Believe it or not, things will get better. There will come a time when the holidays aren’t full of worries about food and calories and working out. You can skip a workout, and the world won’t end. Holiday cookies aren’t going to kill you. 

I know these things because I’ve lived them. It’s the 2016 holiday season, and I am enjoying it without fear. It took treatment and a lot of work; tears and anger and lots of talks with your boyfriend, but guess what? He’s your husband now! 

Kaitlin, I know the holidays can be scary, but I will tell you that your uncle is a fabulous cook, and you should really enjoy his offerings. Plus, your cousin bakes some delectable pies, and eating a slice will not change a thing about your body. Choosing to allow yourself only small nibbles and no dessert, however, it will concern your family and make the holiday much less enjoyable.

Lean on your babe. He’s got you, and you actually get more and more attractive to him as time goes on. He loves you, and he not only finds your body attractive, but your exuberance, confidence, and humor as well. You will get those things back, I promise. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him (his words, not mine!) and you’ve got so much ahead of you.  —Kaitlin Irwin

I Have Faith in You

Dear Rachel,

I know you dread this time, the holiday season. A time when food is the focus. I know you aren’t looking forward to the encouraged bingeing that will come from your aunt or how weight-obsessed all the women in your family will become when the new year rings in, but you can get through this.

Enjoy your favorite green bean casserole. Enjoy the time with your family, who doesn’t always get along, but finds a way to during the holidays. And cherish the time you have with Grandma Sharon because you won’t have much longer with her. Focus on the love you feel instead of the emptiness in your stomach.

Sit with the feeling of fullness from maybe eating a bit too much. And realize that it’s okay. Because it’s not about numbers or weight. It’s about family and love. Thank your family when they offer to make you a lunch of leftovers to eat instead of internalizing all the anger you feel because they just don’t understand. Realize that they are trying their best and that they love you.

Just know that in years to come, you will love the holidays once more. You’ll actually find yourself helping with some of the cooking in a few years and enjoying it! You can make it through the holidays. I have faith in you.  —Rachel Taylor

You Choose Your Family 

Dear Katrin,

You grew up in a house with a woman who wanted everything looking perfect like the decorated tree and wrapped presents. You also had to look your best on holidays in dresses that were picked out for you. You also had to get nice gifts for your family. They had to be “mother approved.”

During your teen years, this same woman embarrassed you in front of your future husband by saying how bad you looked. This woman never said anything nice to you and made you dread the holidays.

You do have two things to hold on to. Your dad was a great dad. He loved the simple things and was a big kid on Christmas. Your dad even liked the new socks that you bought him, because you bought them for him and made him happy. He made the holidays fun and sang his own version of holiday carols. When you got married to your husband, you had a great mother-in-law who also made Christmas fun! She was a lot like your father, who enjoyed the simplicity and having family around with them. Your mother-in-law was always jovial around the holidays. She knew how to have fun with what little she had. You knew that you could count on a bout of laughter with her during the visit.

In closing, I say, give yourself permission to make your holiday traditions the way you want them to be. Enjoy them with your husband and your furry children because they are your family! —Katrin Alyss

Resist ED’s Urges

Dear Michelle,

The holiday season is ED’s favorite time of the year; between the food and family gatherings, there are many chances for ED to speak up. 

Chances are, ED is going to make you plan ahead. He will want you to plan all of your days around food, exercise, and using behaviors. He will want you to have everything obsessively planned around his ways. Resist those urges. The holidays are a time to be spontaneous, to challenge that rigidity, to be okay with non-productive free time. Challenge yourself, let yourself enjoy those moments, surround yourself with people and things that make you happy, and rebel against ED. 

You are going to get to visit with family and friends who have not seen you in a while. Chances are, someone is going to make a comment about your body. If someone says you look thin, ED is going to remind you that it is only because of him and that if you don’t engage in behaviors, no one will give you those compliments. Someone else might tell you that you look healthier, which ED will translate, incorrectly, to “you look fat.” ED is manipulating the words and not restating the truth. Remember that. 

Not everyone will understand. People will make comments about your body, and their own bodies, foods, diets, and exercise plans. ED will want to engage in these conversations, indulge in them in fact. However, you don’t have to; you have every right to change the topic.

Despite what ED will tell you this holiday season, you are enough. You are worthy of enjoying the holiday spirit and spending time with friends and family. You are allowed to eat and to enjoy food, without using behaviors to compensate. And you are allowed to struggle. The holidays are far from easy for anyone, and especially for people with eating disorders. Most of all, you will be okay. I promise. —Michelle Zaydlin

Let Yourself Grow

Dear Annie,

It’s that time of year again. With the excitement of the holidays comes a new set of stressors and things that make the world seem a little colder. There is so much emphasis on food and weight and resolutions. It’s easy to get caught up in the mess of it all, but don’t. Remember what matters most: you. Family. Love. Joy. Gratitude. 

I know all you want is to feel loved and accepted, and not like a burden. Little do you know that you are already there. You don’t have to change for this world or for the people who love you. I know you think you do, but you couldn’t be more wrong. You are enough. We are enough. I love you, and I know you are stronger than the noise in your head.

This year, let’s do the holidays differently. Let’s listen to our body, not the disorder. Let’s live in the present moment and leave no time for guilt. Binge on love. Purge negativity. Exercise our right to exist just as we are.

Let yourself expand. Let yourself grow. In every way. Ignore the critics and the voices that tell you to compete with the culture. Remember, your worth is not measured in pounds or kilos. It is immeasurable. End the comparison. Give yourself the best gift you can this year: acceptance of yourself and all that you are. 

I’ve seen your struggles and your triumphs. I’ve felt you bleed and heal. You are worth it all. Beautiful things are waiting for you. For us. —Annie Zomaya

Forgive Yourself

Dear Anna, 

The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but I know you didn’t always feel that way. I remember when you came home from college for the holiday break, and you told your eating disorder it wasn’t invited to come along, but it didn’t need an invitation; it crashed the parties anyway. So many traditions of baking treats, decorating the Christmas tree, attending parties, events, and spending time with family, that used to bring you so much joy, were now overshadowed by the eating disorder. Instead of those moments being about family and friends, the eating disorder decided to be the center of attention.  

I’m writing to you to tell you how proud I am of where you are today. I’m proud that each year, you continue to uninvite the eating disorder, and when it crashes a party, you kick it out. I’m here to remind you to never forget that the holidays are about family and traditions. It’s about spending time with loved ones, laughing, and creating memories. I’m proud that each year you continue to focus on what’s important and filling your days with love, happiness, laughter, and family. 

Most importantly, it’s okay to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your slip-ups and setbacks. Forgive yourself for the times you allowed the eating disorder to be a part of the traditions and memories. Continue to lean on your support system during the holiday season, and know they will gladly assist you in escorting your eating disorder out the door. Focus on family, memories, traditions, self-care, and making it the most wonderful time of the year.  —Anna Kilar